


The Weaker Sex

by Kahvi



Category: Red Dwarf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 09:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2224518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahvi/pseuds/Kahvi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rimmer and Lister argue about gender issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Weaker Sex

"I've had a revelation."

Trying not to make the eye-rolling too obvious, Lister looked up as Rimmer entered. "Oh yeah? What about?"

"Men, Listy, are complete idiots."

Lister snorted. "Really."

"Yes."

"And this just came to ya, all sudden like?"

In mid-stride, Rimmer raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Lister shrugged, opening another can of lager. "Well, yer not exactly the first person to claim that, ya know."

Snorting haughtily, Rimmer walked over to where Lister was seated, pulled out a chair, and sat down. “I'm fully aware of that, Lister. I've been doing a lot of reading.”

Lister suppressed a giggle, which earned a steely stare from Rimmer. “I'm sorry. Do go on.”

“This isn't funny, Lister.” Rimmer waved a finger accusingly, “I've given this a lot of thought. Men allow women to manipulate them”

Taking a long pull of the beer, Lister made a non-committal gesture. It would be interesting to see where this was going. “How'd ya figure that?”

“Think about it!” Rimmer became animated, “physically, men are stronger; their brains are larger,”

“That doesn't mean anything though,” Lister interrupted, “Einstein had a tiny brain.”

“Yes, well...” Rimmer faltered, “they're larger, is what I'm saying. You can't get away from that simple fact.” Lister gestured to continue. “Right. So, biologically speaking, they should be controlling everything, right?”

“Rimmer...” Lister sighed. “Does the name Greer mean anything to you? Steinem? How about _Suffrage?_ ”

“Yes, men have suffered, I agree.”

Lister sighed. “Did they even teach ya history on Io?”

Ignoring the comment, Rimmer went on. “But here's the thing; what I've just realized; _it's their own fault_.”

“Eh?” Lister's eyebrows shot up.

“Their own fault, Lister, for allowing women to manipulate them. Women use their powers, their position in society, the fact that men desire them sexually; all of this, to keep men underfoot. It's the reason men and women will never be truly equal.” Arms crossed, nostrils wide, Rimmer looked rather smug.

“So let me get this straight. You're saying men allow women to oppress them, because women have too much power in our society?” Lister made a face. “That doesn't make any sense!”

Rimmer sniffed. “I think you'll find it does, Lister, when you think about it.”

“There's nothing _to_ think about! We've equal rights now, Rimmer, or haven't ya noticed? For the last several hundred years or so. Or millions, if ya want to be technical about it. Men and women are the same.”

“Oh really?” Rimmer smiled that eerie vulture-like smile that always put Lister on edge. “So you're exactly like Kochanski, then?”

Lister slammed the lager down on the table. “Of course not! But if I was with Kochanski; if we was married, like, we'd treat each other the same. We'd be equal.”

The smile mutated into a chuckle. “Really. So you _taking care of everything else_ while the other half is out riding horses all dressed in white is equality, is it?”

Lister hesitated. “No... I mean... ”

“Face it, Lister; you're just as sexist as the rest of us.”

“Now, hang on...” Angered, Lister rose, shoving the chair away with a tooth-gritting squeal.

“No need to get upset!” Rimmer's mocking smugness only egged Lister further on, but the hologram had risen too. Soon, they were virtually chest to chest, Lister's finger poking accusingly into holographic uniform fabric and flesh.

“You,” Lister poked the finger, hard, finding firm, yet yielding resistance, “are an utter bastard.”

“And you're a sexist,” Rimmer replied, calmly.

“If I'm a such a bigot,” Lister mumbled, eyes narrowing, “how come I do this on a regular basis?” She pushed forwards, her breasts meeting Rimmer's with delightful friction, and the hologram's breath caught in her hard-light throat. And then Lister kissed her.

“Not the same thing,” Rimmer mumbled, as Lister's tongue wrestled with her own.

“Smeg off, and let's get this over with before the boys get back from exploring that planetoid.”

“You're such a romantic, Deb.”

Lister was about to retort, but by then Rimmer had her hand inside Lister's overalls, and her thoughts turned to more important matters.


End file.
